days away ...

so today was a very stressful day full of tears and anger but didn't post on Facebook once I guess that means im making progress on this whole privacy thing . I notice I was okay even though I didn't post . I guess I don't need all the attention I think I need may be . I wish I knew why I demanded so much attention even from my husband I wonder why I want attention all the time . Its probably something from childhood that I probably will never understand but Ill keep trying . Moving on Dorian gone today and I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how I am gonna survive on my own I don't do well alone and im scared but I am going to do everything I know how so that I can prove myself wrong and make it through these 2 weeks with out going crazy . It more weird because Rays not here to run to so I have to deal with all my crap and that is not the most exciting thing at all . But it is definitely something I have to do . I cant want to have my life with out taking the steps to have my life . I know I am strong and smart and I am freaking awesome so I can do this . I just cant stand in my own way . I said everyday is a new step in the right direction this time . So I wont be going back . March is around the corner so I have to be able to be strong by then so that I can keep everything going in the right direction even after march . I can do this I can be strong and I  will be great . Lauren Loves